Saturday, April 04, 2009

I'm only happy when it rains ....

Okay so I really only blog when I'm angsty or pissy or mean or mad or something. Right now I'm not particularly pissy or angsty or anything, just primarily busy. Too much work, too many details, not enough brain cells.

So, it's random rant time.

I spend a lot of time worrying about other people -- or really I should restate that; I SPENT a lot of time worry about other people, primarily family. I spent years trying to stay active in my family's life. It's a lot of work and many times it felt too one-sided. After having kids, I realize that I cannot hold up both ends so I've let a lot of those relationships go fallow. I guess it's just a point of fact that as we grow and change, our relationships change as well. I no longer feel the ownership of that failure (if you can call it a failure), and though its been pointed out to me that relationships are not what they once were, I cannot be the one to blame for all of this.

We have a dog now. His name is Ike. He's basically a good dog, but he's so incredibly skittish he is tough to manage. He's terrified of Tony, has been just upon sight. So he gets scared, he pisses himself, he gets punished, he gets scared ... it's a vicious cycle. We're working on it; we're all committed to this 20lb, rat-faced, hole-digging, shoe-chewing ball of nerves. The kids immediately loved him, for the most part. He fetches (a novelty, my dogs have always been over the whole idea of fetching) and he cuddles. We'll see how that turns out. Yeah, what was I thinking?

Summer looms; I don't have childcare wrapped up. I have a week of camp planned but that's about it. I think we will do some babysitting in lieu of a full program. I don't know if this is a good decision. It remains to be seen.

I have my first 5K run tomorrow. I'm not a good runner, but I am effective. I have run 3 miles before, I will do it again tomorrow ... but the weather. *SIGH* I like perfect conditions, I am the girl who will bemoan a hangnail and use it as an excuse if conditions call for it. But I've announced, in public, that I will be running the 5K, so run the race I shall. Today I'm nervous; I'm afraid to wear the wrong shoes today lest I get a blister; I was nervous about what to eat for dinner for fear of causing a tummyache tomorrow. I desperately want a drink right now but will avoid it for the sake of training. I so hope it's worth it! My MP3 player is charging right now. Let's hope it all goes well. Better than well. I want to KICK SOME 5K ASS! And I will.

Well I guess I had more in me tonight than I thought I did.

Peace out!

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