Monday, April 13, 2009

Motherhood #1

At one point in life, I didn't think we would have children. It took 10 years of marriage for us to get to the point where we felt it was a good idea to have kids. We picked out our children's names in the first month we dated ... Bret Wayne and Lauren Eva. Needless to say, Bret was vetoed when I was pregnant in favor of Spencer Lee. Why Spencer? It was the only boys name we could agree on (I wanted Thomas, he wanted Gavin). Lee is Tony's mom's middle name. Lauren Eva after my Grandma (Loren Hestekin) and his Grandma (Eva Farthing). I tried to veto that during pregnancy ... but there was too much invtested there. She came thisclose to being a Gracie, along with a million other girls her age.

Motherhood is both the easiest and hardest thing I've ever done. While I have a good relationship with my mother, I don't know how much of what she did informs what I do today. Isn't that the struggle we all have? Giving our kids more than we had, making them feel more loved than we ever did, ensuring they feel secure enough to succeed.

Some things were easy to manage; some things hard. I was terrified by things like teething. I worry daily about what the future will bring. But I sleep at night knowing that my kids know for sure that I love them. Oh and that I'm saving money for their future therapy.