Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Hmmpfh.

I joke a lot about pity parties, but very rarely do I hold them. We all have crap in our lives (at the risk of putting too fine a point on it), and I know that no matter what my crap, someone always has it worse, someone always has it better.

But right now I just want to wallow a bit.

My husband is going to deploy. Yes, he's lucky that he hasn't had a string of deployments to Iraq before this one. Yes, we're lucky that it's for only 6 months as opposed to 9, 12, 18 or more. But you know what? It's still hard.

My husband has to go away. He's been back home for just over a year after a year in Korea. He will leave his children, his wife, his dog. He will go to an uncomfortable and dangerous environment to do what he believes most in -- fighting for the freedoms that so many of us take for granted.

I know that life is basically good. Even with the pain or sadness that I endure, the fact that I am typing this up on my laptop in my house means that things ain't so bad. But sometimes, I need to own the pain, the sadness and the crap that I endure.

Sometimes I need to punch a hole in the wall or scream or cry or watch a crappy movie to escape or eat some junk food or indulge in a few drinks or do a little stress shopping. Sometimes I need to step away from all that is good and rail against all that is bad.

Then, when I'm done, I'll patch the wall, wipe my eyes, put the DVD away, toss the wrappers, clean up the spilt beer, and update the checkbook with the receipts. Then I'll call my friends and thank them for understanding as I brush myself off and do it all over again.

 Because that's how I roll.

2 comments:

  1. oh, Mari. : ( I'm so sorry. You can whine all you want and I wouldn't blame you one single bit.

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  2. I will let you wallow. Wallowing is good. Even though too much too drinking will leave you with a headache and bitchy in the morning at 6 when the kids are banging on the door to get you up and too much shopping will leave your account a bit emptier than before...at least you have good friends to share the drinks with and tax free to shore up the checking account! Love you my friend!

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