Sunday, December 18, 2011

"He's not dead; he's resting."

Okay, so it's almost Christmas (Happy Chrismahanukwanzikah!) And I, once again, missed out on the big thing of the year. This year that means the Elf on the Shelf.

I did not get on the Elf bandwagon. But I saw all my over-achieving Facebook friends (not really over-achieving; but if I don't say that I'd have to call you "better than me moms" and my ego can't take it!) with the Elf on the Shelf posts and I got jealous.

And then I got bourbon.
And then I saw Rudolph the [redacted] Reindeer.

So, let's go to the beginning.

Sometime in the early 90s, one of my sisters made this cute little crafty ornament, a reindeer made from a cork, jingle bell and pipe cleaners. Well, a few moves later and poor Rudolph has turned from a cute little ornament to a poor reindeer missing a few imperative body parts (like an eye).

Every year we thought we threw the poor, bedraggled boy into the trash, but every year, like a bad penny, he keeps turning up. So we named him and turned him into a tradition.

It wasn't Christmas until we found Rudolph in the bottom of the box of Christmas stuff and found a home for him.

But this year, Rudolph became more than a bit player; more than just a member of the chorus; he became a star.

I started posting his adventures on Facebook, Elf on the Shelf style. And he was given a proper name (in honor of his, well, "gimp" nature and a mutual love of Pulp Fiction shared with my friends, he has been named Zed. I think it fits.)
And here he is, in all of his glory:
I don't have an "elf on the shelf" but I do have this tattered reindeer. And a turtle.

Zed took a swim in a bowl of sparkly holiday balls. Because nothing says "happy holidays" like a half-broken reindeer ornament fashioned from a cork (hic) and pipe cleaners sitting in a basket of not-good-enough-for-the-tree-this-year ornaments & last year's tinsel.
Our Reindeer on the Table just needs a little hit of caffeine to make it through the day.

Still life with faux foliage ("fauxliage"?), wrapped gifts and fairy lights. Oh, and reindeer.

It's hard work being a damaged, unnamed reindeer. So he took a nap on a candle.

Oh, Zed! You crazy, gimpy reindeer! That's a glass rooster, not a rodeo rooster. Silly Zed.

Guess who decided to join me at work today?

Sis? Is that you?

Zed has had a very long day. Sweet dreams, tiny broken reindeer!

Glinda says: "I'm a good witch!"
Elphaba says: "I'm a bad witch!"
In Unison: "What the #&@* are you?"

Zed: "Listen here, elfie-boy; this is an elf-free house. D'ya hear me? No encroaching."
Butch: "Don't push me, gimpy."
Zed: "Oh, it's on. It's on like Donkey Kong."
Oh, and people keep asking me, what's with the dead reindeer? To which I say, "he's not dead; he's resting. Beautiful plumage on the Norwegian blue..." because along with tattered reindeer, and sarcasm, I like random Monty Python references.