Saturday, October 06, 2012

Day 6: an abusive love story

This is a tragic, abusive, one-sided love story.
What is the root of this abusive love story?
Girl meets boy.
Girl loves boy.
Boy hurts girl.
Girl turns away, but boy lures her back.
And so it goes, a sick dance where she can't give him up even though he is no good for her. He hurts her, and every time she has him, she's left feeling empty and only wanting more. He's got the power, the control, and she feels almost helpless.

Only in my case? It wasn't the boy (not this time). It was carbs. And it had been going on for a long, long time.

12 days ago I was given a diagnosis. I've spent these days in between trying to live my regular life while also trying to learn every thing I could learn about metabolic syndrome, insulin resistance and the medications that I've been taking.

I promised myself that once I got my feet under me I would update my status.

And here I am.

12 days later, I finally feel like I have a grip on this. I finally feel like I'm understanding. Because it's confusing. Nobody knows what causes this, it could have been because of environmental circumstances, the foods that I eat or biology and hereditary.

What I know that I have to do is cut bad carbs, cut calories and exercise so I can cut my body weight 10% so I can get off the meds. Maybe. I hope. Not eating bad carbs was easy at first because the meds counteract with them, with bad side effects that I wanted to avoid.

Avoid carbs = avoid bad effects. Done. Now it's easy because I've been doing it for 12 days.

Exercising is harder. One of the meds jacks up my heart rate, making exercising hard to do, as my heart rate goes up higher. Another one lowers my ability to sweat. Another one raises my body temp. Do the math. Not fun! But I'm finding that the more I work out, the less that is all a problem. Moderate workouts can deliver the same results as heavy workouts. I just work out a little longer. Done. And I have to work out--the exercising helps to burn the glucose that my body struggles with. Drink a lot of water to prevent dehydration, ketosis and the risk of kidney stones. Easy. Done.

End result? I'm extremely well-hydrated. I'm adjusting to the emotional highs and lows, getting past the fatigue. Finding a normal. A new normal. And hoping that this new normal shall too pass, and some day I'll be figuring out a normal that doesn't include a cocktail of medications to help me, though I am thankful for these medications for helping me.

Because it's working. For the first time ever. I'm down 8 pounds. The number on the scale is lower than I've seen it in I don't know how long.

Aside from giving birth to a person, it's the most significant amount of weight that I've lost. I don't know that anyone would notice, but I notice. I feel better. My face is much thinner, my double chin receding. I'm looking more like myself.

I'm regaining control of my body.
I'm on my way.

Today's song is Metallica's Broken, Beat and Scarred.
... Rise, fall down, rise again; what don't kill ya makes ya more strong ...


  1. Proud of you! I know you'll be the energizer bunny in no time!

  2. Proud of you! I know you'll be the energizer bunny in no time!

  3. Dude! I'm so sorry you're going through this! But, if anyone can kick its ass and get it in line, it's you. <3

  4. Malena - thanks! I'm working on it. Slowly happening, but it's happening!

    Ri - thanks, mama. :) Your Paleo posts are a HUGE help to me!