Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Thoughts you can't unthink: holiday version

Oh, those old innocent holiday songs with their double entendres! You know the ones I'm talking about.

Like Eartha Kitt purring out Santa Baby and demanding high-value goods in her high-class call girl, Holly Golightly fashion. I can forgive her these hookerish tendencies. But there are some songs that I just can't abide by.

A couple years ago (has it really been that long?! Wow. Just; wow.) I ranted about that classic Band Aid song, Do They Know It's Christmas? that was ever so popular in the mid-80s. You can follow the link to read it, I won't further rant over it now. But I do reserve the right to revisit it.

Today, I'm talking about the date rape song. Baby, it's cold outside. Once upon a time, this was an innocent, double-entendre-filled song that was a fun play on witty banter. Now it just sounds creepy. She's trying to get away, get home safely, avoid the bad weather. He's trying to keep her there, get her liquored up, maybe even they'll be snowbound.

I don't want to have these thoughts when I hear this song. I want to return to that time of innocence, pencil skirts and ties and hats and gloves and gimlets and rouge, but that is the thought I can't unthink. It's just creepy. Like wearing a mistletoe belt buckle.

Trolling for versions of this song, there is a veritable hall of fame of remakes out there. Some remarkable entries:

  1. Most perfectly creepy version: Tom Jones & Cerys Matthews, live. I'm sorry, but Tom Jones is the perfect persona to sing this.
  2. Most Disneyfied creepy version: Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey. I cannot abide by her breathy "singing." How did she get so popular? I'm thinking perhaps not for singing?
  3. The creepy original: Johnny Mercer & Margaret Whiting. This is the version I have in my holiday music collection. 
  4. The one that's not quite as creepy: Louis Jourdan & Ella Fitzgerald. These folks can wail and they make even a creepy song abideable.
  5. The creepy one that makes you say "WTF!?": Norah Jones and Willie Nelson. Yes.
  6. The creepy adorkable one: She & Him. It's really not adorkable but everyone always says that about Zooey Deschanel. I think this is an abhorrent version.
I prefer to listen to this song, which inexplicably came up in the "related clips" sidebar. I don't know how it's related. But maybe it'll make it onto my next holiday mix?

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