Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Currently seeking interns

Work-at-home editor and mother of school-age children currently accepting applications for interns to assist in a variably-paced work environment. Applicants should have strong organizational skills, typing skills, knowledge of word processing and spreadsheets (Microsoft Office experience a plus), development and design (Adobe Creative Suite experience a plus) and thorough knowledge of fifth-grade geography.


Basic duties may include (but will not be limited to):
  • Stopping me from drinking that 3rd cup of coffee.
  • Filling in on micromanaging kids when they are getting ready for school and I'm too tired to remind them to please, for the love of all that's good in the world, put their damn lunches/math books/permission slips/gloves in their backpacks.
  • Removing swear words from blog posts.
  • Helping me to determine when the bedhead is subtle enough for human interaction or if I need to wear a hat or take a damn shower already.
  • When I start to play Candy Crush, slapping the phone out of my hand or unplugging the cable modem.
  • Collecting all of those websites that I go "ooh" over every morning, reading, summarizing and printing them to place in a little folder that I can shove into my purse and carry with me to presumably read while I'm waiting in the pickup line at school but where I'm really playing Candy Crush since you wouldn't let me play earlier. Sigh. You're so mean.
  • Discussing the finer points of random songs, pop culture stories and/or books, magazines and movies as required. Know when it's important to agree with me and when it's imperative to take the counter-point.
  • Extra credit will be given for ability to intelligently discuss cast members of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and their current (and past) positions on the douche bag scale.
  • When I print something, running into the room with the printer and make sure the pages don't fall all over the floor like they always do. This is most fun when the pages are sans page numbers and it's like a puzzle. 
  • Reminding me to pack my gym bag on those days when I actually go to the office to work.
  • Reminding me to unpack that gym bag when I get home (eww).
  • Ensuring I have a proper supply of red Papermate felt-tip pens, binder clips, coffee, half & half and dark chocolate.
  • Consolidating the five million places where I keep my schedule, including the kitchen wall calendar, the pink notebook calendar, the Google calendar, the meeting handout calendar and the various scraps of paper in the bottom of my purse.
  • Reminding me to eat lunch before 3pm.
  • Reminding me to figure out what's for dinner before 5pm.
  • Extra credit will be given for advanced playlist making abilities.
Oh, and you know, some editing and stuff.

2 comments:

  1. Is this a paid position and can i nap at will?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry. Unpaid internship.
      But if you wish to pay me for the privilege, then I accept.

      Delete