Monday, April 15, 2013

Mistakes Were Made

This week, you shall be dazzled, DAZZLED, I SAY! by a flurry, a veritable SNOWSTORM of blog posts. Because the gauntlet has been dropped by the Oklahoma Women Bloggers.

The challenge is on. And, competitive sort that I am, I'm not one to easily walk away from a challenge.

Today's theme? Mistakes.
Rubber Eraser Day: Blog about a mistake you made that you wish you could fix or that you did fix and make better!

Mistakes. Seriously, there are full years of my life that qualify thusly. I was not known for smart decisions in my teens, for sure (were any of us?). But I don't think I would change any of them.

The mistakes I made were painful, yes, sometimes to others but usually always to myself. Not always in that moment, but when I learned better ... I realized. And it hurt.

But that's how you learn, isn't it? Through mistakes.

But I do regret that so many of the mistakes I made when I was younger were as a result of not feeling like I could be myself. Not feeling like I had value. Not believing that I was enough, all by myself. Not trusting that it would be okay for me to just be honest about my true feelings. Feeling like I had to make myself smaller--emotionally and mentally--to fit someone else's idea of who I should be. I wish I would have trusted myself.

I would choose to fix this because the collateral damage of this mistrust are friendships that were broken, because true friendship demands honesty, and that was something that I didn't have to give. But I have to trust now that the road not taken was not the road meant for me; this road, cracked and scarred with bad choices, was my path, the one I was meant to walk (or crawl or some days hobble). And there are those who saw through my inability to trust myself, and they loved me anyway; still love me today. For them, I'm most grateful. They helped me to find it in myself. I try to show them as often as I can how much I appreciate that.

Today instead of wishing I could go back and alter the past, I'm going to be thankful for the lessons that I learned instead. I'm going to work hard to have faith that I don't have to adapt myself into anyone else's idea of who I need to be (or, more accurately, who I think they want me to be). And, most importantly, I'm going to make sure that my kids know this, that they learn to trust that they are enough; that they are enough, and they are incredible.

4 comments:

  1. My attitude exactly. Who can actually *live* in regret? God bless the broken road, huh? Great post. I'm so happy you're in my life! XO

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  2. THat's not to say I wouldn't use an eraser to get rid of some dishes, a few loads of laundry...

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  3. "Feeling like I had to make myself smaller--emotionally and mentally--to fit someone else's idea of who I should be. I wish I would have trusted myself."

    TrueTrueTrueTrue. This sentiment should be in a How-to Live Honestly manual for children. If it were followed, so many adults would be happier, fully formed individuals. Awesome post.

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  4. Such a challenge some days to believe that we are enough! Glad you've figured it out!

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