Thursday, February 18, 2016

Rejected Resume Bullets

After a few years of applying for jobs, writing and updating and more updating of my resume, endless cover letters (some clever, some more direct), a person might come to the point where they're tired.
It's like a bunch of blind dates that either don't show up or show up with a deal-breaker in tow (like a knife strapped to his arm, a shirt unbuttoned to the belly button, a wife, a cloud of stink from bad hygiene, etc.).

It feels bad. Rejection sucks, being ignored sucks, and these are things that you face when you put yourself out there, resume in hand, wearing your outfit that you put together in an effort to display both your creativity and professionalism while trying to convince people that they should hire you, post-haste!

Why am I in this predicament? I'm sure there are a million reasons. I took time off for my kids. This was our plan, and it worked out. We had our first child 10 years into our marriage, I took a work hiatus and immediately wanted to find work again. I wanted to have it all because I'm a hardcore, modern woman and that's my right and privilege but then realized that having it all means having to take care of it all and that's more than one person can handle—at least this one person. I'd love to hear from anyone who juggled all the things and retained sanity.

My juggling meant that I forged a work-from-home career doing what I loved to do—writing and editing—that was portable enough to work around child-rearing through deployments.

It wasn't always full time work, but it was high-pressure, skill-driven, time-management, deadline-meeting work all the same. I continued to learn and grow in my profession. When it was time to move on, I did. And when it was time to go back to traditional work... well, I'm trying. It's not easy. My specific set of skills and an awkward interview presence present their own challenges, to be sure.

To keep myself from crumbling under the pressure, I made a list of bullets that didn't quite make it to any iteration of my resume.

Rejected Resume Bullets

  • Expert information analyst.  
Especially if that information is pop culture. I can find a pop culture reference to relate to approximately 99% of everything said to me. I am often compelled to blurt these out.
  • Expert time management skills.  
I am able to make it out of a big box store in under 60 minutes, including travel time, while also keeping to my list.
  • Standout money manager.  
Saved our family thousands of dollars in 2015 by shopping, according to my Kohl's receipts.
  • Humanitarian.  
I once rescued a nest of baby bunny rabbits from my back yard after the mommy bunny died. Also after I made several jokes about "hassenpfeffer" (aka, rabbit stew).
  • Detail-oriented! 
Able to overthink in all situations. Seriously, all of them. I can find meaning in a paperclip.
  • Team player. 
I'm an obsessive baker when I'm overstressed. As an over-thinker, this happens a lot. Usually once I bake something, I don't want to eat it but I will totally share it with you.
  • Well-read. 
Compulsive book hoarder.
  • Effective visual communicator. 
I can PowerPoint like a boss. Also, I talk with my hands a lot.
  • Stands up to challenges of all kinds.
Facebook quizzes tell me that I am house Gryffindor, that "dude" and "like" are my oft-used words, that Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" was written about me and that I will be reborn as a summer dress.
Can you relate?


  1. Yes to money manager, as told by Kohl's receipts. I always feel like I'm almost stealing from them as much as my receipt says I saved! ha!

  2. Love it! However, don't forget "Professional Juggler," because you can keep so many balls in the air at once.