One week ago right now, I was sitting at my desk at home, just like I am now.
Looking out my office window, just like I am now.
A cardinal (perhaps BurgerMeister) is cracking black oil sunflower seeds, I assume happily, swinging to the windy Oklahoma day.
One week ago right now, I was overcome with the weekend I had just spent at the Writers' Colony at Dairy Hollow*, a weekend that was marked by risk, reward, frustration, unraveling, reinvigoration, accomplishment, and clarity.
Clarity is always the last step, right?
I'll talk more about each stone uncovered, each bit of wisdom, each gleaned truth but right now what sticks most with me is the truth that came to me during a walk, talking with Marisa (she was a big part of the unraveling for me that weekend) and I made a bold declaration: It's time to remove the word "busy" from my vocabulary.
Busy is a four-letter word I actually want to avoid.
How have you been? Busy!—really? Because no shit. I think we could all answer that the same. I know I'm not the first to call bullshit on "busy"—there are any number of results if you Google "busy syndrome" going back years. I feel like "busy" has become a crutch to prove how important we are.
So, how have I been? I haven't been busy, I've been ... overwhelmed by the constant gear shifting in my freelance life ... I've been struggling to fill my kids with life lessons and parenting while I still have them to hold onto ... I've been trying to wrap my head around the fact that my job search has paid off and I've got that full time desk job I've been wanting and struggling to figure out how to transition out of freelance work when my first instinct is to say Yes! to all the shiny things ... I've been considering how to start putting myself first ... I've been worrying about all the things just like everyone else is doing ...I've been planning 101 home projects because when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I like to start a new project to divert attention away from the overwhelming thing (succulent garden, coming soon!).
That's more than busy. That's living. Sometimes well, sometimes not so much.
How have I been? Thriving and smiling when some days all I want to do is curl up into a ball with a bottle of wine and a really good playlist. Coming to terms that 50 is coming sofast and I'm not done being 40 yet. Shit, I'm not done being 30 yet but there you go.
You spend too much time being busy, you don't notice what you're missing.
Enough of that, already. I will be "busy" no more.
* I was invited to spend time at the Writers' Colony at Dairy Hollow in return for a fair and honest review of my stay there. This is one in a number of posts where I will share my feeling about the Colony (Spoiler alert: I loved it) and discuss the lessons I learned during my stay. All words and opinions are my own.